Everyone has either confronted, or I believe will eventually confront the idea, that the world is a messy, broken place. As for me, after surviving being hit by a taxi and witnessing my friends and family change negatively or pass away, I got to thinking about life. And how short it is. And how things are a little wonky. But it makes sense – being imperfect humans in an imperfect world makes an interesting conundrum.
That’s what spurred the writing of my debut EP Supposed To Be. It is just that – things are not the way they are “supposed to be.” I’m not even sure what these things should even look like in a perfect world (since it doesn’t exist here), but something in my soul knows they do not look like this.
That theme seeped through all my songs. When I realized this even before stitching the songs together, it was clear what the title of the EP should be. And so it went.
My first single “Only One,” is about a deep longing for security that lasts a lifetime. It’s realizing that feeling of security may require taking a leap of faith – believing it exists for it to be true. It’s allowing your heart to lie in another person’s hands with hope they will protect it like you have for as long as you’ve known and then trusting that they will never let it go. For some reason I found myself trusting, and to my surprise it didn’t end poorly. My leap of faith ended in love.
In my next song “As I Am” I realize that I am the way I am for better or for worse, and that doesn’t make me less or more worthy. During “Fragile,” I process the delicate nature of the heart, amidst having vulnerability that scares me to death. “Aimless Wanderer” is a story of two lost souls who realize they are lost when they find each other and feel belonging. And, lastly (at least for the EP’s sake – for there is so much more I could say), “Miles” is about the challenges of a long distance friendship that once was so much more. And still wanting it to be like it was – supposed to be.
With the help of a small team and amazing musicians and artists, these songs really came to life way more than just putting them to tape, so to speak. I discovered parts of myself I hadn’t known before, and had the pleasure of letting go of my expectations to make room for the crazy talented musicians and artists to put their stamp on these songs. It was… freeing! In the end, the songs became much more than what I could have made on my own. It was truly a collaborative process, and it was amazing. Art is definitely meant to be shared. I wouldn’t know the freedom of collaborative art had I kept these songs to myself like I’ve done for the past 10 years.
Similarly, the recording process could not have been done in a vacuum either. In the most challenging parts of the process I questioned my motivations and abilities to make it happen. Was it worth it? Is it good? Why am I doing this? But in the presence of others, you are just making art, and that alone makes it worth it. On the flip side – the best parts were where I completely lost track of time and space and felt I could keep on going forever. I had found my home. It didn’t matter whether or not it was good – it was my heart.
All that to say, I think the biggest thing that came out of this EP is that there is beauty in the messiness of life. I have learned that through everything that goes wrong you can find hope in it all.
I can’t wait to share this EP with those who might feel they are in the process too.