Words by: Garrett Kearns

Breakout artist, girlboy J has released her compelling debut single “Not Real, Not Here” — an anthem for those of us who have ever felt abnormal. J combines the polish of modern pop with the grime and angst of alternative rock. The lyrics are representative of J’s confusion and isolation.

“Not Real, Not Here” begins with simple acoustic guitar with J’s vocals lacing the cords. Sounding like she’s coming through on speaker phone, things ramp up with electric guitars breathing energy into the song. The tension builds to its breaking point in the chorus where we feel J’s unfiltered emotions — “I haven’t been here for years/Just going through the motions.” J’s performance is raw. Her vocals take priority in the mix, delivering her truth with unwavering feeling. This first portion of the song sounds modern but the second verse speeds into classic pop punk. The shift only sharpens J’s attack.

girlboy J shared the following: “The chorus talks about my experience with dissociation and apathy and PTSD. There were so many periods of my life where I would literally say to people “I’m not a real person anymore” and everyone thought I was being emo or poetic, but I actually didn’t know how else to phrase what I was going through….Later when I got diagnosed with PTSD I found out that it is very common for people with it to articulate that they don’t feel real, or that they have this inexplicable feeling that they aren’t living a normal life. It’s like no matter how hard you go through the motions and check off the boxes everyone else is checking off, there is some sort of disconnect–you can’t get back to the effortlessness of existing, you just have to fake it.”

“Not Real, Not Here” is brimming with complex emotion. The juxtaposition of styles reflects Girlboy J’s experiences. She flips between projecting an image of herself that others can accept and revealing her true self with all its patchwork edges. The single itself is a message to people she knows and those she doesn’t. It’s a declaration of artistic intent. J makes clear that she won’t back down in the face of adversity. This take-it-or-leave-it mentality might seem abrasive but it’s a sign of maturation. girlboy J stands proudly apart.

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